Shattered
by SingleServing
Summary: Some memories are meant to be forgotten.


"_If we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends too?_"

That was an eternity ago. Years have passed and everything is changed. Or nothing is changed. Sometimes I'm not sure.

I'm walking along a path and I see the dirt kick up and settle again behind me. I don't see the specks of dust fall to the ground; I feel it. The sun passes across the sky as I travel. Another hour and it will be dark. Sleep. A fly buzzes near my ear. I kill it between two fingers without pause. Picking my feet up one after the other.

At the top of a hill a figure waited for me. The sun falling behind them, the shadow bathed me in darkness below. I stopped in the shade and stood there facing upwards to the figure. Six feet tall, long black hair tied behind, a sword hung at the waist. I knew who it was.

"It's been eight years," I say, my throat straining to make the words. It has been such a long time since I actually spoke with another human.

"I'm here to end this." The figure throws off his cape and reveals simple peasant clothes. The sword that was hanging from his belt is now in his hand and he holds it lightly.

"Is there something special about today that makes this worth doing?" I ask. My balance wavers for a moment but I regain it quickly. He notices anyway.

He stamps his foot in anger and raises his sword towards me. "Eight years is a long time. I can understand how easily it would be to forget the murder of my father. The Fire Lord." He holds the blade steadily, the edge glimmering against the light of the setting sun.

"Those times are a blur to me. Sorry about your dad though. Must have been tough," I say, wiping sweat from my brow with my arm. My stomach is empty and I feel lightheaded. There's something I'm forgetting.

Teeth gritting together, the silhouette of the man swings his sword downward. He takes a deep breath and lets it out quietly. His voice is barely above a whisper. "You know very well that you are the one that did it. The first day of autumn. By the end he was defenseless and pleaded for his life. But you took it anyway."

I don't remember this but Sokka had told me what had happened after everything had settled down back then. It was the Avatar State. I had no control over my actions. It wasn't my fault. It…wasn't my fault.

Looking back up towards him, I blink back the sunlight and wait for him to move. He doesn't. Instead, he lowers his sword to the ground in front of him and lightly leans against the hilt. I can clearly see his face now, his mouth set in a straight line. His eyes looking at me. Me, the murderer. I blink but his face is still there, watching me. One, snakelike eye almost mocking me. Daring me to refute what he accused me of. And how could I? I can't deny what I've done. I can't anymore.

My legs want to buckle but I won't let them. The sun, still peaking behind the horizon, hits my face like a sheet and I try to wipe more sweat away. I'm still forgetting something. I look up into the figure's face with confusion.

A crease of the lips turns his whole face into a sneering smirk. He leans further forward against the sword. "I almost regret what father did to her. It probably would have saved his life if he hadn't done it. But knowing what you did to him later…I'm glad it happened. You deserve that misery."

Someone's face flickers in my mind. It looks like a young girl. Dark skin. Long brown hair. What's her name?

Shock crosses over the figure's face and he straightens himself up, his sword at his side again. "You don't remember, do you?" He laughs harshly but I can hear sadness in his voice. "You don't even remember her?"

My mind tells me to stop listening. Don't let him remind me. This dangerous memory is hidden away for a reason.

"What my father did to her? Nothing coming through?"

I see blood on black stone and a broken necklace. The cracked pieces of the pendant scattered across the floor. Blue against the darkness. There's an almost comical gurgling sound coming from somewhere near but I don't want to look up. It won't be something funny. Someone's screaming beside me. Cracking and tearing with rage and urgency. We're both being held back, away from something.

"Remember!" screams the man in front of me, fire writhing around him. "My father killed her right in front of you! And you did nothing to stop it!" He laughs hysterically and more fire bursts around him.

I still feel calm enough to understand what he's doing and I look up into his eyes sadly, "Why do you want to die so badly?"

He pauses a moment, the fire dissipating in the air. Sweat drips down from his chin. His eyes are nothing but two black holes. No light reflects against them.

"Why do you want to live?"

Eight years ago I was still a child. A kid of twelve. I left for the fire nation alone, leaving my companions in the night. I was going to handle Ozai myself and no one else. But something happened. She was found and brought before the Fire Lord. Sokka was there, bound by ropes and held up by two guards. They didn't bind his mouth. To let him scream, I guess. I couldn't move. The Fire Lord was doing something to me, to my mind. I just stood there and watched him kill her. The blade moved so easily against her throat, at first I didn't think it even touched her. But the blood poured. She held her throat with her hands, trying to keep the fluids in. She looked so scared. After falling to the ground, air began to escape from her throat creating a soft gurgling noise. She was trying to breath. The necklace was shattered against the floor, along with her body. A copper smell drifts through the air. It's so thick I could almost taste –

It stops. The memory stops. Hearing stops. Sight stops. Smell stops. Somewhere in the distance I can hear a man screaming. It might be me. It might be the figure running towards me with fire and sword in hand.

When my vision comes back, I am on the side of the dirt road. I look around myself and pick up a long stick to help me walk. My head hurts for some reason and I rub my forehead lightly. I look into the sky and the stars light my way. The moon isn't out so it makes it harder to see the road, but it'll be all right.

Now, what was I doing again?


End file.
